27 October 2008

Jared needs...

A friend of mine blogged about the virtue of googling the phrase "________ needs," with the blank filled by your name. The results can be quite humorous. For example, here are my top five:
  1. Jared needs to go!
  2. Jared needs to lay the smack down on these guys...
  3. Jared needs your support.
  4. Jared needs his own Backyard FX Show.
  5. Jared needs to DIE!
Apparently the fellow from the sub shop who sullied my good name is not a popular guy on the interwebs.

Anyway, try it yourself for hilarity and jest.

Post results in the comments or on your own blog...


amanda said...

Top results for "Amanda needs":

1. to pee
2. wisdom
3a. a mom in her corner with lots of time and attention to give her
3b. a serious love interest
4. you
5. a guitarist
6. to be loved

Anne said...

Ok, I'm a stranger (who still wonders if you ever found the darth vader gargoyle), but I couldn't resist contributing to this one. It was just too fun. My needs are as follows:

1. Anne needs to be convinced
2. Anne needs to unequivocally apologize
3. Anne needs to live it up like a single girl for a while
4. Anne needs to get over it
5. Anne needs friends that understand her energy
6. Anne needs to stop shooting up
7. Anne needs to win sexiest veg

The Shark said...

"The Shark needs"

1. to have faith.
2. to be put to bed.
3. about 14 - 16 days for production by a talented artist.
4. to come home today.
5. more careful cleaning, especially under the cutter.
6. to be dissected and the proper organs need to be located.

Ted said...

There is a lot of truth in the following statements:
1. Ted needs a 24 hour staffed program which can assist him with taking his medications,and provide rehabilitative training, so that he can learn cooking.
2. Ted needs someone to be there 100% of the time.
3. Ted needs your help!
4. Ted Needs a Refresher on Good Samaritan.
5. Ted needs a page.
6. Ted needs additional prayer.
7. Ted needs a moment on Flickr

Warren said...

1. Warren needs to get nasty.
2. Warren needs to Give up His Tax Exemption
3. Warren needs our prayers Prayer Requests and Praise Reports
4. Warren Needs To Know Where He Is Having His Next Party ...
5. Warren needs to be directed to this series of Youtube vids (http://www.manpollo.org/)
6. Warren needs to preach the gospel of Christ clearly.

Christina said...

Wow. I never realized the insight that google possesses!

Apparently Christina needs:

1. help.
2. to be at the tribute to Patti LaBelle.
3. to host SNL again.
4. a baby-sitter.
5. spectacles.
6. more makeup.

Sigh. If only there weren't a dirty trash-heap out there w/ MY name.

Randilyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Randilyn said...

Evidently "Randilyn" isn't a common enough name to have a lot of cool suggestions by google as to what I need; I just got one:

"Randilyn needs to be with someone that can care for her and be there for her."

Not bad, though.

becks said...

1. Becky needs a friend, not boyfriends.
2. Becky needs a home.
3. Becky needs to listen to "Kareem Abdul Jabar" by Kevin Devine.
4. Becky needs a psychiatrist!
5. Becky needs an exorcism.

MF said...

Mike needs:
1. a date
2. a light razoring
3. to get a clue, right now, that he has neglected and related SEDITIOUS CONSPIRACY
4. help
5. a van
6. to stop trippin'

re:1, i've got one.
re:2, I've needed one for about a month,
re:3, prove it.
re:4, true
re:5, only if it's a-team style
re:6, boo yeah.

Melissa said...

Melissa needs...

1) to take a break
2) you to pray for her
3) a very strong, patient adoptive family
4) to find a new agent
5) to board the blob ship that is hovering overhead

Asian Keng said...

"Jen needs":

1. to have a session or two with a therapist
2. (linked to someone else's blog who already looked up "Jen needs", so you can read that list here)
3. and I quote: "Jen needs to find a self righteous, conspicuous "I'm better than you" charitable position so she can keep charming the sheep into thinking she matters a rat's a**, like Scangalina did."
4. a tech makeover
5. human anatomy lessons

Clearly there are a lot of stupid Jens out there. Or at least a famous one who makes headlines with other famous hot men (ahem ahem, Aniston), thereby inciting the fury untold of countless thousands of jealous women in the cyberworld. Sheesh people. I'm sorry I'm so popular. Give it a rest.

Grace said...

Grace needs:

1. constant care
2. help
3. some prayer
4. freedom
5. a decent profile picture
6. you

and my favorite...
7. to learn how to hunt like a wild otter.

Erin-ann said...

Erin needs:

1. another miracle.
2. to wear shirts.
3. a drummer.
4. some care as well.
5. a cable access show.
6. a liver transplant.
7. a new banner.
8. a Harley.

Seems like the answer to all my occupational fretting is to start that heavy metal girl band . . .
Google is much better than a Magic 8 ball to answer all life's deep dilemmas.

ke said...

Kjerstin needs a "foxhole prayer".

Darrell said...

Darrell needs our help.

Darrell needs to go back through Central Booking for an appointment with this OT, which may take three weeks.

Darrell needs a place to call home.

Darrell needs number. (Whatever this means)

Darrell needs to add some contacts and favorites first.